Of Darklords and Milkbones
by Mischief Managed Inc
Summary: What happens when, while lying low at Lupin's Sirius goes out for a drink and disappears. NOT slash!


The night was moonless with violet flashing clouds rolling lazily across the velvet black sky and Remus Lupin sat curled up in a huge faded armchair, entranced by the roaring fire. It was late, and he knew he should retire, but his pensive thoughts kept him stationary in his chair. He couldn't seem to shake the feeling in his heart that something horrible had just happened.

Nevertheless, he was very tired. His weary eyes fluttered closed, and the hand that had propped up his head fell and his chin came to a halt on his chest, which rose and fell with his steady breathing. He was fading in and out of consciousness when he heard a strange scratching noise. The wizard's eyes flew open. When he heard the noise again, he was on his feet. He knew now that the noise was coming from the back door. As he made his way through the old house, wand in hand, he heard a familiar whine coming from the source of the persistent scratching. Having reached the door, he threw it open to find a very large, but very skinny black dog. Sopping wet, its shaggy fur clinging to its almost skeletal sides, the dog, nearly knocking Remus to the floor, happily jumped through the door, put its muddy paws on Remus's shoulders, and licked the wizard's grinning face.

"Know this, Mr. Padfoot, this is the only form in which I would allow that kind of contact," Remus said.

Then in the course of a moment, its paws still firmly attached to Remus's shoulders, changed to its true form, a man, and he and Remus enveloped each other in a brotherly embrace.

"Sirius, my old friend...it's been so long...come in, come in..."

Without saying a word, but flashing Remus that familiar grin, Sirius walked into the kitchen and sat himself down. Remus strode over to the shelf and placed two sets of teacups and saucers on the table. He then busied himself by making tea.

"Sirius, you look horrible. You're terribly thin, and you look...well...distraught. What's happened?"

"Dumbledore."

Remus looked over his shoulder as he continued to make tea. "Dumbledore? What about him?"

"He sent me here. I think his exact words were to 'Lie low at Lupin's.'" He paused, "That's an alliteration."

"Very good Sirius. Would you like the money or the maid?" Remus grinned for a moment then said, "But why did Dumbledore send you here? Did you get yourself into trouble again?"

"How clever of you to guess, Moony. It is what I do best, after all. You'd think that being in Azkaban would prove that."

"Please, you aren't a criminal. You shouldn't joke about that. You're innocent and you know it. You're just..."

"Fun loving?" Sirius offered.

"Yes." The tea finally prepared, Remus lifted the kettle from the heat and set it on the table's scratched and worn surface. He poured the steaming substance from the kettle into cups and then sat down as well, not drinking, but staring at Sirius.

"What happened? Is Harry alright?"

"Yes, the boy's fine. Physically, that is," Sirius sighed deeply, looking down toward his muddy boots.

"What happened?" Remus repeated, but his voice was sharper and more worried now.

Heaving another deep sigh, Sirius took a sip of his tea before speaking. "He's returned."

"Who?"

Instead of replying, Sirius looked at his friend pointedly. Remus, realizing what Sirius meant, stared at Sirius with wide eyes. The cup that he had been holding chattered noisily as his hand trembled, until he had enough sense to let go of it.

"No... surely not..."

"It's true. Harry saw him." Sounding more angry than upset now, he continued, "Fudge doesn't believe him, of course. The Ministry isn't going to believe him - please tell me that you will, Moony."

"Of course I do, I believe you. It's just...this is so..."

"Unbelievable?"

"Not only that..." Remus said, looking towards the table, "Do you know what this means? This..."

"I know," Sirius grunted, staring at his boots again.

"All of the children..." muttered Remus, looking distraught, "They are going to have to go through things that they aren't capable of handling..."

"Like we didn't?" Sirius said, looking a mix of devastated and affronted.

"Yes we did, but..."

"Anyway, Moony, there's more. The boy saw one of his classmates die by Voldemort's hand. And he found out that his and Voldemort's wands are brothers."

"You mean, Priori Incantatem? The Reverse-Spell Effect?"

"Yes, Remus. And, he saw James and Lily."

Remus stared at Sirius with a blank look in his eyes, before looking away and cursing under his breath.

"Exactly."

For a moment that seemed like an eternity, there was silence between the two, and it was Remus that decided to shatter it.

"So, what do we do now?"

"'Alert the old crowd,' according to Dumbledore. Looks like the Order is back in business, eh?"

"So it would seem," Remus said, smiling softly.

"But," Sirius said, leaning his chair back on its hind legs, "There isn't much we can do tonight. It's late, and I really am not up to relaying the story again right now."

"I understand," Remus said, lifting his eyes form the table and looking into Sirius's face. "Well, Dumbledore said to stay here, so that is what you will be doing."

"Right," Sirius said, sounding vexed. "You know what I could use?"

"Something that would get you into trouble, no doubt."

"...Maybe. But if there is no danger, what's the fun?

"You, in case you haven't noticed, are a convicted 'criminal'. You are being searched for. And now, Voldemort knows about Padfoot as our dear friend Peter probably informed him. Not that Voldemort would need him to. Some people would like to kill you, I'm sure. You do _not_ need to be wandering around, least of all at night."

Sirius gave a whine that sounded a lot like that of a dog being denied food. "But Moony, I could really use some whiskey. And I saw this great looking Muggle-pub on my-"

"_No!_" Remus nearly shouted emphatically, but seeing the shocked and dejected look on his friend's face, he softened his tone, "Sirius, you know the last thing I want is for the last of my friends to be taken away from me."

"Remus...Moony, you know...That isn't what I...You're doing this on purpose. You're making me feel bad so I won't go out."

"Hm," was all that Remus said, though he was attempting to cover a sly smile.

Sirius stared at his friend for a moment before saying, "I'm going to bed. Don't you worry about me, Remus. I'll be a good boy."

"I'm sure. I'm going to stay out here. I have the feeling I won't be able to sleep well tonight."

"Yeah," Sirius said vaguely, "Well' g'nite Moony."

"Sleep well, Padfoot."

Remus awoke from a light, but unpleasant sleep. He found that he had drifted off not in his bed, but in his armchair in front of his diminishing fire. Remus also found that his breath was uneven and raspy, as if he had awoken from a night terror, but he couldn't remember if he had dreamt at all.

One of his thin hands made its way to his forehead, as if to fend off the beginnings of a headache. He looked down at the fireplace, but instead of seeing that, he saw a shadow that looked peculiarly like a big, shaggy dog. He turned around in his chair, his neck snapping slightly at the speed of his turn. The shadow he had taken for Sirius' dog form turned out to be his grandfather's ancient ottoman. Perhaps it was just too early for him to process things properly. He looked at the antique clock resting on the mantel above the fireplace. It read 3:17 AM. Yes, far too early.

As he continued to rub his forehead in weariness, he couldn't shake an odd feeling of being alone. The last time he had seen his friend was several hours ago. Sirius had claimed that he was tired and had gone to bed. Remus rose from his chair and walked out of the room, intending to go to the room where Sirius resided. Once he had gotten through the narrow hallways of his house, he knocked softly on Sirius's door.

He didn't receive an answer. A fine crease of confusion and worry appeared on his brow, and he knocked again. Once again, he received no answer.

He turned the door's handle with his slender hands and it creaked open, revealing a small, vacant room. What he observed before him gave him a sickening feeling that was a terrible mixture of fright and agitation. He saw a made bed, which looked as if it hadn't been touched since the night before. Where in the world could he be...?

It hit Remus like a bludger to the head. The pub. After Remus had told him not to...After he had specifically told him that it was too dangerous, too risky...

Remus knew he had to go after his friend. There was no telling what kind of trouble Sirius might have gotten himself into. But, remembering the clock's message, he decided to wait until dawn. The moonless sky gave no light and if there was any danger, venturing into the night might only make the situation worse.

Instead, he ventured purposefully across the hall into his own bedroom to make an attempt at sleeping. When he failed at this, he trudged wearily into the drawing room. He resumed his usual pensive position in the armchair beside the fire, where he stared at the dying embers. He sat in a thoughtful reverie and didn't even notice he had dozed off again until he awoke a few hours later and the stars' nightly shift had ended.

It was six o'clock in the morning. The sun was just creeping over the horizon and the sky was a creamy canary yellow. Dewy spheres of water clinging to peridot blades of grass were unceremoniously shattered from serenity as Remus dashed frantically over them. He had already been to the pub several times looking for Sirius and had stopped returning when the pub's few shady-looking customers and the tender had begun to leer at him. Now, he was alternatively asking the few muggles that he came across if they had seen a large black dog or a slender man with long black hair, but all attempts to find his missing friend had so far been in vain.

Until one man (who, although for the purposes of this story it doesn't really matter, was named Walter), sitting on a bench outside a tobacconist's shop told him,

"Check the pound mate. Your mutt may be there."

Just then, a large white truck with titanium doors with the words "Animal Control" stamped across it chose this absolutely impeccable moment to roll by. From the frightened barks emanating from within the vehicle, Remus's keen ears were able to distinguish one familiar whine from the rest.

Hardly able to contain a grin, he turned back toward the old man and said "Thank you, sir!" and then he took off at a run in the direction the man had indicated and didn't slow his pace until he reached his destination. He stopped short in front of the double glass doors with a grin, but his grin quickly vanished when he read the sign on the door:

**CLOSED**

**Hours:**

**8:30 a.m.-7:30 p.m.**

He sighed. He would just have to wait for the shelter to open to find his friend. But what if Sirius was not there; he could have been captured by a greater evil than the local dogcatcher, and he would be waiting here uselessly. But, then again, if Sirius _was_ here, which Remus was about ninety-eight point seven three five two four percent sure of, and Remus went gallivanting off in a vain pursuit for him elsewhere, someone else, thinking Sirius to be a real dog, might try to take him home. Or worse. Remus knew all too well from Sirius' s ranting when they were at school what mercies animal shelters often placed upon their homeless occupants. So he would wait and hope that that one point two six four seven six percent didn't come back to haunt him.

He found a bench beside the glass doors of the shelter and sat down. Although he was nearly shaking now with worry, it was still very early in the morning and he hadn't gotten much sleep, as usual. Uncomfortable as the bench was, he managed to fall into an uneasy slumber.

About an hour later, he awoke with a start when he heard the jingle of keys. He looked around, startled. Finding a pretty young woman with brunette hair opening the doors of the shelter, he jumped up. She smiled at him kindly.

"Waiting for me?" she asked.

"Oh, yes," he said quickly. When she had the doors unlocked she moved out of the way and let him through first.

"So, how can I help you?" she asked, when they were both inside.

"Um...I lost my dog," he said, uneasily. Even though he had been given plenty of practice when hiding his lycanthropy, he still had not mastered the art of keeping the truth from people.

"How long has he been lost?"

"Since last night."

"Have you gone out looking for him?"

"Yes, all morning."

"Well, we had some dogs picked up last night. Maybe we have him," she said, taking out a different key from a drawer on a desk in the corner, "Why don't we go back and see?"

"Alright," Remus said. He could feel his legs shaking. He hadn't experienced dread this powerful since the news of James and Lily's deaths had been delivered to him. He couldn't-_wouldn't_ go through that again.

The young woman led him to a door in the back of the room. When she opened the door, a rush of sound reached Remus's ears and he fought the urge to cover them. Instead he listened closely for...wait there it was, that oh so familiar bark. After being reassured that Sirius was, indeed, here, Remus couldn't help but grin at the irony of the situation. Although, he supposed that a little solemnity would be more appropriate given the potential gravity of the situation. He could only imagine how terrified Sirius must have become. He could picture in his mind the pitiable image of a frightened dog being manhandled by the rough hands of the dog catcher. Then again, Sirius had brought this all upon himself. Not to mention the absoluter terror his disappearance had instilled in Remus's veins. Why shouldn't Remus have some fun? He had finally managed to stop laughing when one of the drivers ran up to the young receptionist.

"Meg, we need your help!" he said. He was breathing heavily, as if he had just run a mile...or had been struggling with something very large.

Remus grinned again.

"What's wrong?" Meg said anxiously, beginning to walk quickly with the handler in the direction of the frantic barking.

"It's this dog we picked up. He's huge! Like the size of a bear! He's out of control!" he said breathlessly.

"Is he black and shaggy?" Remus asked, following the two workers.

"Yes," the worker (who's name, incidentally, was Joe) said, turning around and giving Remus an odd look for a moment. Now Remus was incapable of removing the wide grin from his face.

"Oh dear. Don't worry about Snuffles. He wouldn't hurt a fly. At least, not on purpose."

"SNUFFLES?!?" Meg and the attendant said, stopping dead in their tracks.

"Yes. He's really very gentle. And loving. He must smell me. That must be why he's so out of control," Remus replied knowingly.

"Great, then come back here and see if _you_ can calm him down," the attendant said, visibly irritated. But Remus was already headed to the source of the mad barking. When the attendant and Meg reached him, he was on his knees, cooing a massive black dog in a high-pitched voice.

"Aww, you poor little puppy. Poor little Snuffles. Did you miss Daddy? Did you? Hmmm? I was so worried about you. You scared me. Yes you did," his voice was progressively becoming higher and sweeter. Remus continued cooing Sirius's canine form and making kissing faces at him until a crazed look came into the dog's pale blue eyes. Remus sighed, trying desperately to keep from laughing. He turned to Meg, who was smiling at him.

"I think I should take him home now."

"Alright," Meg said with a smile, "I'll get the paperwork ready. Would you care to come up to the front desk with me? Just so we can sort this out." She continued to smile, and for some reason, Remus began to feel a little nervous about her presence.

"Of course," he said, though he looked back toward the cage where Snuffles/Sirius was still glaring at him with those clear blue eyes. With a grin, he raised his voice three octaves above his normal speaking tone and said "Come 'ere, Snuffly Wuffly."

In the most dog-like manner possible, Sirius looked disgustedly at Remus before trotting off behind them, the attendant wide-eyed and wondering how the dog had managed to escape from the cage. Sirius made sure to nip at Remus's ankles for good measure before they got into the front room.

Meg had stood behind a desk in the main room of the shelter. Remus stood in front of it, looking down towards an intimidating pile of paperwork. Gently kicking Sirius's face away from his feet, he said, placing his hands in the pockets of his trousers, "What may I do for you?"

Meg, now looking slightly flushed, said, "Well, I have these release forms here. You simply need to sign. Here's a pen for you," she handed it over, "and there's the line there." She pointed to the dotted line.

Feeling rather like a toddler being told where to walk, Remus nodded and removed his right hand from his pocket, signing where he was told. Unlike most wizards, he was quite accustomed to using a ballpoint pen rather than a quill.

"And what else?"

Now looking as red as a beet, she said, "There's more of course...I'm sorry that there are so many things you need to fill out," she laughed nervously and progressively grew more and more red in the face. He was reminded suddenly of when James and Sirius had jokingly throttled Peter for something or another.

Remus finished filling out the forms with great patience. After they were finished, Meg blushed again. "I have something for you," she said nervously. She reached into the desk and pulled out a small package. Remus smiled and took the package in his long fingered hands. He laughed when he saw a milk bone and a flea collar, tied with a bright red bow. Then a huge grin spread across Remus's face. He took the bow from the package and promptly retied it around Sirius's neck.

"Aww," he cooed again, "Aren't you adorable? My sweet little Snuffly Wuffly. Do you want the milk bone the nice lady gave you? And do you want to wear the pretty flea collar? Of course you do!" Remus tried to put the most unattractive flea collar around Sirius's neck, but the canine wouldn't sit still long enough. Still smiling, Remus said, "Maybe later when you're not so nervous."

Remus turned to Meg and said, "Thanks for all your help. I've really been very worried. Some times he just breaks through the gate. And every time I think I've made it stronger but he just gets through that one too."

Meg smiled at him coyly. "I know how it is. With a dog as big as he is, it must be hard to contain him all the time. Even for a nice strong man like you. I don't even know your name."

Remus swallowed suddenly. It just occurred to him that he was being flirted with. He did his best to smile politely. "John," he said. He noticed Sirius giving him an odd look and nudged him gently.

"Well, I guess I'll be getting Snuffles along home now," he said. And he waved one last farewell to Meg and walked out the door.

Remus wouldn't let Sirius retransform into a human until they were safely inside Remus's cottage. After Sirius became human again, they shared a quick glance before Remus headed for the kitchen. Sirius, staring, followed.

When he reached the kitchen, Remus was busy at the counter. There was a long silence before Sirius spoke.

"Remus, please say something," he said sadly.

"What do you want me to say, Sirius?" Remus said gravely.

"I'm sorry, Moony."

"I know," Remus said, not looking up.

"I really am," Sirius continued.

"I know," Remus repeated quietly, "Sit down."

Reluctantly, Sirius lowered himself into one of the decrepit chairs. He continued to look at Remus with a sincere rueful look in his pale cobalt eyes. Remus came to the table carrying two glasses filled with a scarlet liquid. "Here," he said calmly, "Drink this."

Sirius drank it without question. When he had emptied the glass, a slight frowned had appeared on his face and he looked at Remus with an odd expression in his eyes. "Moony?"

"Yes Padfoot?" Remus said, drinking slowly.

"This is port." It was more of a question than a statement.

"Yes, I know."

"And you also know that I would gladly take port as a replacement for whiskey any day."

"I know."

"Then why..."

"I didn't find this until last night, after I _thought_ you had gone to bed. It was so late, I didn't want to wake you just to give you liquor. But I thought we could both use it now."

"Oh...alright." He looked up at Remus. Although, no one could have sensed anything from the expression on Remus's face, Sirius could feel the anger pulsing from his friend's thin body. "Remus..." Sirius said slowly.

"How could you do that Sirius? After I asked you not to. You knew how dangerous it was, now with Voldemort in power. And what about Harry?"

Sirius winced from his friend's outburst. He should have known. He knew from experience that Remus's few outbursts were never pleasant, and often regarded something that was for somebody's own good.

"Don't worry, I only went into town as a dog." He wasn't saying this to defend himself; he only wished to comfort his friend.

"What about the pub?" Remus demanded.

"Oh, don't worry Remus. Everyone in that pub was either too drunk to recognize me or too drunk to pick up a phone. The only one in there not entirely inebriated was the tender and I'm pretty sure he didn't recognize me...er...us..." Remus gave him a quizzical look, "Well...he kept talking to me and someone invisible next to me, so either he really was inebriated, or his eyes were crossed. Seeing as he was the only one in there, _besides_ me, who _didn't_ spill any drinks, I would have to guess the latter. But it was very dark in there, which seems to have been beneficial for both of us."

"Nonetheless," Remus said, "It was still wrong. We need you here Sirius, not in Azkaban...or worse."

Remus was quiet a moment before saying, "Well, I'm surprised at you!" Sirius's head drooped, and, had he been in dog form, he probably would have put his tail between his legs. "For once in your life you managed to hold your liquor."

Sirius looked up and Remus couldn't help but grin at the amusingly confused look on his face. There was nothing else to be said. After all the time the two of them had spent as friends, Remus's forgiveness no longer necessitated words. Sirius was pensively quiet until he noticed Remus staring at him with a huge grin on his face.

"What? What are you staring at?"

Instead of answering, Remus kept grinning and rubbed his neck.

Sirius frowned and felt around his neck. "What? What the bloody hell? Shut up Remus!" he said, and quickly untied the bow that was still around his neck.

"Well, I must say," Remus said, grinning widely, "You look most becoming in it. Though I daresay, red is not your best colour. I should have asked for blue. To bring out the colour of your eyes."

"I'm so glad you find all of this so amusing Remus."

"Well, I must say I have been in need of a good laugh lately."

"Remus, do you realize what they would have DONE to me?!?" Sirius cried, standing up.

"Calm down, Padfoot! I wouldn't have let them euthanize you," Remus said calmly.

"That wasn't quite what I was worried about," Sirius said, giving Remus a pointed look.

Remus's eyes grew wide, as he realized what his friend meant. He couldn't help but grin widely.

"Moony, it's not funny!" Sirius said exasperatedly.

"Au contraire, Padfoot. It really is," Remus said, no longer bothering to restrain his laughter. "But, like I said, I wouldn't have let them take anything from you, life or otherwise."

"Well, thank you, Remus," Sirius said, "I daresay, you've had fun today, what with your need to embarrass me in front of the receptionist."

"Well, I do think I acted the part well."

"Yes, and she ate it up. She thought you were more adorable than I."

Remus rubbed his neck nervously. "Whatever do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Remus. I know what girls look like when they flirt."

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Sirius."

"Remus, she wrote her phone number on the bow," Sirius said, brandishing the article, showing Remus the number.

A deep flush crept onto Remus's face.

"Don't look so embarrassed, Moony. It's not like she had the face of a mud fence or anything. She was actually pretty cute."

"You know perfectly well that I don't need that kind of relationship right now, Sirius."

"When have you ever felt the need of a relationship like that? Even at Hogwarts you rarely dated. Are you afraid of the opposite sex or is there something you haven't told me?"

"I'm not afraid and I have no secrets concerning my romantic preference. You know why I don't date."

"I understand your concern but there is bound to be a woman out there who will accept you if you just looked. James and I accepted you. Do you really think the opposite sex is incapable of sharing that compassion?"

"No..."

"Than what are you so afraid of?"

"Nothing."

"Then, why did you lie about your name?"

"I didn't lie! I just...bent the truth a little."

"You gave her your middle name, Remus. You might as well have given her _my_ name."

"Look, Sirius, if the right woman comes along, then, great. If not, so be it.'

Sirius sighed. "Just watch her be my cousin."

"Very funny Padfoot."

"You're welcome Mr. Moony."

"Mr. Moony?" Sirius said after a moment.

"Yes, Padfoot?"

"I'm hungry."

"How did I know you were going to say that?"

"Intuition or excellent hearing. Pick one."

Remus sighed gently, smiled and got up to fix him and Sirius what was to be a most excellent breakfast of eggs and bacon. 


End file.
